We have a saying in Northern Ireland: “Whatever you say, say nothing.”

This attitude motivates the avoidance of conflict at all levels of society. We routinely practice denial, avoid responsibility and maintain an artificial appearance of normality. As a consequence, while we exist side by side, we don’t understand other.

When people do engage with each other on divisive issues they normally become embroiled in heated shouting matches where positions are stated and restated in a series of circular arguments. They leave with their views of the other side reinforced and their positions unchallenged.

Dialogue is simply a process that facilitates better understanding of each other’s, and our own, positions. That process may:

• Lead to trust, respect and the building of a shared future in which we all belong.

Or:

• Clarify our disagreement and our need to follow separate paths to separate futures.

Either way, dialogue enhances our ability to make informed decisions and we think that is good.

The Dialogue Process

In the leaflets we produce and the dialogue process we facilitate we ask people to:

• Question their own positions and look at the needs underlying them.
• Question the positions of others and look at the needs underlying them.
• Explore how to meet those sometimes shared and sometimes conflicting underlying needs.
• We encourage a re-examination of stated positions, based on the assumption that we all want something different and we are all unlikely to get what we want.

We ask:

• What do you want?
• What do you really need and why do you need it?
• What could you live with, given the needs and hopes of others may differ from yours?

Some Difficulties with Dialogue

• It needs genuine commitment from the participants to make the process work and is vulnerable to wrecking.
• It can involve dealing with people you cannot respect.
• It demands acceptance of the right of others to hold views you may not agree with.
• It demands trust of those you are unsure of.
• It can mean becoming vulnerable by revealing personal information.
• It is not a negotiation, mediation or a problem solving exercise. It is an unfolding process of understanding and the outcomes may be unclear.

Some Rewards from Dialogue

• You may understand more clearly where someone else is coming from.
• You may clarify your own position.
• You may develop a new insight into the issue and its solution.
• It may provide the basis for new relationships from which come new solutions.

Ground Rules for Dialogue

• For dialogue to work you have to take a chance and trust other people with your feelings and experiences.
• You must treat what you hear in strictest confidence.
• It is difficult to listen to beliefs you disagree with but in dialogue you are obligated to accept that everyone has the right to have and express their beliefs.
• You are under no obligation to respect beliefs that are wrong to you.
• You don’t have to hide the fact that you don’t like what you hear, without honesty there is little value in dialogue.
• You are expected, however, to treat all participants with the same level of respect you expect towards yourself.
• Dialogue is a two-way process involving deep listening and open, honest sharing. When someone is sharing you should listen, allowing them to finish without interruption.
• People who shout loudest and longest often have less of value to say. People who listen more than they speak often have more of value to share. It is important to find a working balance between talking and listening.
• It is vital that everybody is present for every session; absences have a negative effect on the process of dialogue.
• You don’t have to have a clear position on everything, it’s okay to be confused and you can change your mind. Dialogue is more about searching than certainty.
• Share what feels right for you; don’t go beyond what you feel comfortable with.
• Don’t aim for agreement, don’t try to convince anyone of anything, just engage in the process and see what happens.

Misconceptions about Dialogue

Where Do Our Dialogues Take Place?

We organise residentials, one-day seminars, morning, afternoon and evening dialogues throughout Northern Ireland and beyond.

Who Is Involved?

People from all walks of life are involved. We particularly encourage those who have not engaged in dialogue before and those who may be uneasy about dialogue.

Is It Always Cross Community?

No, we organise both cross community and single identity events.

What Topics Are Explored?

Our dialogues arise from issues within the peace process but they are not only about Protestants and Catholics in conflict. We look at the issues you feel are important to you. These include health, dealing with the past, education, paramilitaries, policing, drugs, racism and others.

Quotations from Participants

“I emerged with new perceptions of the problem.”
“I was encouraged that other communities were in the same position but came through.”
“It gave ordinary people the chance to express their feelings on the effects the Troubles had on them; this was empowering.”
“Some people were dismayed at comments others made, but I thought the honesty was powerful.”
“I got to engage with people I wouldn’t normally meet. It was interesting to listen to their perceptions of the Troubles and the future.”
“It was a safe space to be open and honest in. The facilitators really looked after us”.
“Wherever the discussion went was okay. We had the power and ownership, which was good.”
“There was a lot of shared understanding between diverse people.”
“I will use a lot of what I learned in my everyday life.”
“I’ll be more open to people I would hitherto avoid or not be honest with.”

For information on specific dialogue events, please see our Events Calendar or email

admin@communitydialogue.org